Dead woman walking

Feel like a dead leaf in fresh foliage. While everybody else is swaying with the wind, I just rustle. All the other leaves will go where the wind will carry them. Me? Touch me and I’ll crumble.

It’s like there’s a scream stuck in my throat. It’s ringing in my ears, so loud; it keeps me awake in the night. It’s deafening. I’m desperate to open my mouth to let the scream escape, but I can’t. I have to keep it inside, no one can know.

It makes me want to run into concrete walls, over and over again, till it has a big bloody stain on it. It makes me want to tear down mirrors, break all windows with bare hands. Feel like suspending myself upside down with one foot, till the blood rushes to my head.

I just want to feel. Feel like I am living. Feel like I’m not just sleep walking through one unending nightmare. But I can’t. I can’t do any of those things. I just got to keep sleep walking until the sun comes up again, and I wake up. Will the sun eventually come up, or has it forgotten to shine on this one soul? Only time will tell.