Open the window

Its a beautiful world out there. It always was a beautiful world out there. You just chose to close your windows and ignore it. Open that window and take a peek
It is so easy to be happy and yet so difficult, simply because people keep looking in the wrong places.

Angels and Demons

The mind is an incredible and mysterious device. It just never ceases to amaze and mystify me. Why is it so hard to be happy and yet so amazingly easy to be unhappy? Why is it that happiness has to be consciously achieved and yet sadness comes ever so naturally? How is it that there are innumerous books and theories out there giving you a point wise guidance to achieve ultimate happiness and none that tell you how to achieve unhappiness? Are there any naturally happy people out there at all? If you ask me, the only 'naturally happy' people on Earth are babies - the most innocent, unmaterialistic, worry free, blissfully happy years of life. At what stage along the way do we forget how to be 'naturally happy'?

Now, I don't know if this is a natural and common phenomenon, but at least in my case, I have to make myself 'consciously happy' by telling myself happiness quotes that I read somewhere or even optimistic songs like 'Raindrops keep falling on my head'. My mind needs to be 'told' to be happy, it never does it need to be told to be sad.

Why is this the case? How pathetic and depressed are we? Why is the mind such a sadist which readily lets in the demons while the angels need invitation? And you know whats the other thing I've noticed? Happiness and positivity deserts you right when you need it the most. Another frustrating irony of life. I sit down to study one of my most hated subjects and I need my optimism now more than ever. But that's exactly when out of nowhere my long forgotten or consciously suppressed demons from the past come haunting.

But you know whats the best part. The sooner you realize this irony, the sooner you will be armed to fight it. Acceptance is the answer. Don't question it, don't fight it, just accept it as one of those innumerous things you are defenseless against. Then, it will become a part of you, a part of your life and would cease to bother you.

Now, every time the demons come at exactly a moment when they are most unwelcome, it makes me laugh. The whole deal has become amusing now, so very predictable. An enemy isn't so threatening anymore when you know its next move. The surprise element is lost. More power to me! Life is beautiful again! :D

Losing my marbles

Losing my marbles, got to hold on to something
I know I'm not weak, I can tide over this
I don't know what I need, I just don't feel complete
All these expectations people have from me
I can't fulfill them and I'll never be free
It's scary 'cause I'm not any of those things you think I am
I am ugly, ugly as can be and I can't look into the mirror and face the sham
How do I tell you, it's all a lie
How do I tell you, I just want to die
Bitter feelings keep resurfacing
I just about manage to breathe and watch the day passing
I got to gain control, I want to feel right
But I go back to hating myself, I can't stand my sight
People look at me as if I'm some kind of a freak
My thoughts are too dark for them, makes them recoil and shriek
Imagine what its like for me to grow up with them
For years I've been looking for a light to guide me out of this den ...
(Poem is incomplete .. maybe someday I shall find the right words to finally complete it.)

Occasional frustration

Sometimes I just feel like life is passing me by and I am not doing anything about it. Just sitting and watching as it goes along, adding age to my life, making me 'too old for this and too old for that'. I realize in life you have to work really hard, climb up the ladder, make something of yourself, but if you spend your whole life doing that, when exactly do you enjoy its fruits? I don't care what I'll want when I am 60, I don't know if I'll survive to see 30, I'm 22 so please let me be 22!I want to go bungee jumping, I want to climb up that mountain, tire myself out to the core getting up there and then sit and relish its rewards. I know there is no such thing as a free lunch in life; you have to work for everything. I don't come from an affluent family, never got anything too easily and I'm already contributing to my family income hence quitting my job and enjoying my life is certainly not an option.I hear people telling me how important it is to work hard right now, learn new things so you have a secured future. To hell with that, I don't live in the future. I don't know what I'm going to be doing tomorrow so I sure as hell don't care where I'll be 30 yrs down the line. I can always make more money, but I'll never get my age back.So now is the time to do stuff, act crazy not weigh the pros and cons. Before long, I'll b of 'marriageable age' and parents will start hunting for the 'eligible bachelor', now that's a whole different discussion but my point is, I still have a couple of years before that happens and I want to make the most of it. My life is mine and no one else's, it never was, it never will be, and I am responsible for every second of it. Nothing I ever did will be attributed to anybody else. My merits are mine, I earned them, my demerits are mine because I earned them too. I made my mistakes and take full responsibility for it, and I regret nothing, NOTHING.I want to live my life such that I have enough memories that I can fondly look back on when I am old, because then, that'll probably the only thing keeping you going. I dont want to grow old and regret not having done something I really wanted when I had the time and now it is too late. I want to have fun tales to narrate to my grandchildren so I can tell them that life was a lot of fun even in their grandmother's times. People say I am a little crazy, they're right. And it is that little craziness thats making life a whole lotta fun !

Bereavement Poem

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep - Mary Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

Desiderata - By Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann c.1920

'If' By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream - and not make dreams your master, If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings and risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings and never breath a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew to serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you except the will which says to them: "Hold on!" If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)