Each has his past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by heart and his friends can only read the title.

~ Virginia Woolf

Just once more

Memories do the strangest thing. Sometimes you miss someone so much, not a day goes by without you thinking about them. Their voice, their expressions, their hands, their laughter, all those tiny little, very specific details that made them unique. You miss them every single time and wish, if only you could see them just one last time. It’s not even so important that you speak to them, but just be able to see them, maybe from a far off distance, as if secretly spying through a window, just be in the same vicinity, just see that crinkle of eyes again, hear that voice again, just one more time.

You reminisce so much that when reality strikes, it almost feels like all that you had, all that you shared in the past is all just a figment of your imagination. It was all a mirage, your fantasy, a non-existent world. That kind of happiness couldn’t possibly exist.

So then you rummage through your old belongings, small nondescript mementos, like bits of paper with scribbles in that unmistakable hand, documents with that stylish inimitable signature. You flip through photo albums, looking for proof, looking for reassurance, looking for pain, or a balm for it. And there they are, those freckles, that toothy or rather toothless smile, that thick lush hair. *sigh*. It all did happen after all, but is now forever lost in the sands of time. So then, once again, its time to lock away all those memories, and pretend it was all a dream, or that this is a nightmare, soon to end. But if only, you could have just one more chance …

10 things I learnt during my college lectures

1. I can sleep with my eyes open

2. I have great eye to head co-ordination — even though I haven't been listening to a single word the lecturer has been yaking, I can still manage to nod when he/she looks my way.

3. I can manage to look extremely serious and attentive even while I'm replaying yesterday's episode of Simpsons in my head.

4. I can yawn with my mouth shut and eyes wide open, and no one will even know it.

5. I can plan and live my entire future—husband, kids and the works—just in those 2 hours of Karl Marx talk.

6. I start getting interested in the lecture or the concepts start to make sense exactly 5 minutes before the lecture is to wind up.

7. Suddenly the superhuman powers—invisibility, flying, etc—that I used to find extremely silly become extremely desirable.

8. Time stands still during a political science lecture.

9. Long awaited phone calls only come after you are 15 minutes into a 3 hour long lecture .. irony is a biatch !

10. My book has more meaningless drawings, caricatures and personal messages exchanged between classmates than actual study material.

 

*sigh* how I miss college.   

 

Life's like that - i

Pushing and shoving my way up the stairs of the Kurla station foot bridge during the morning rush hour, I envy the bum sitting on the asbestos roof of the platform, watching the crazy herd of money hungry animals on their way to earn their daily bread. Another day, another dollar they say. But I envy the bum. He's watching us, with a mocking smile on his face with the morning sun warming his bare back and the rushing trains cooling it. I know where my next meal will come from, and I have to make sure it keeps coming. Does he know about his? He might have to beg or borrow or steal, I don't think it really plagues his mind too much. I don't think he has a choice. It must be nice to not have alternatives sometimes, or to have your choice made for you. I envy the bum.

Noisy lil devil's workshop ;)

Answerless questions I ponder over when I'm complete vela :P

Will I live to see old age?
Is life fair?
Does everything really happen for the best?
Do we always get what we deserve?
Do good things happen to good people or vice versa?
Is karma repaid in this birth or the next?
Is there a fourth dimension?
Do souls survive or get reborn with new flesh?
Do we really have souls?
Is that the voice in our head?
How come it says means things and gives evil directions at times?
Why is water transparent?
How come fishes sleep with their eyes open and horses standing up?
Why is grey depressing?
Where does the sky end?
What lies beyond it?
Is it true that when you are thinking of a person, he/she is thinking of you too?
Who invented religion?
How come one religion has so many gods?
What existed before the gods were born?
Was the world a happier place?
Why is there so much misery?
How can a god die?
Is the Earth going to die?
Will the sun swallow it in its supernova?
They say the world used to be a bigger place, really?
What happened?
Why do we yawn?
Why do we dream?
Why so many wants?
Do roaches sleep?
Does that rhyme?
Why do they say ‘it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread’?
What’s so great about sliced bread?
Was that a draft or did a spirit just touch me?
What did Koena Mitra look like before all the plastic surgeries?
Does Himesh have a big bald patch on the top of his head?
Is Ram Gopal Verma out of his mind?
Is Raj Thakarey a coward?
Am I losing direction?
Should I shut up now?

Pedalling the cycle of life

A fortnight after the year has ended, its time for a performance review of 2008. If I had to describe the year in one word, that word would be 'HELL'. 2008 has really pushed me to the edge. It has tested my patience, my emotions, my sanity. This year I saw it all. I flunked for the very first time in my life – flunked my MA exams. I lost my dog who was my baby since the past 14 years and then, when I hadn't even managed to cope with all of that, I lost the most important person in my life – my dad. At the start of the year I took off flying, but then fell flat on my face, then managed to stagger up again, and got knocked down again, then stood up once again and so on and so forth.

It's funny how people say "Oh, you are a really strong person. If I were at your place, I would've lost it long back." I used to say that when I would hear of someone losing a loved one. But you know, it's not as easy. You can't just give up; you can't as easily lose your sanity. Life — the bitch that she is — has to be lived. And while living this bitchy little life, you realize certain inevitable truths of life. Time will keep slipping away like sand through your fingers. Everybody will leave and you will mourn the loss with a crazed passion, until time does what it does best – heals you.

There will be times when even in a room full of people you will be locked up in some dark somber corner of your mind reliving every single painful detail of the miseries in your past, weeping with dry eyes. But there'll also be times when standing at the doorway of a local compartment when the bloodshot full moon has just risen on the horizon, with the wind beating on your face and Chris Martin crooning in your ears, you feel sublime bliss.

There'll be times when being born seems like the worst thing to ever have happened to you. You wouldn't for the life of you want to get out of bed and report for duty. Little tip, if you ever have any hope of getting out of that depression, don't stay in bed, don't stay home. Because, as the saying goes, 'No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.'

People will come, people will leave. Miseries will multiply, good times will arrive. The sun will set every single day, but it will rise again tomorrow. Unlike James Hetfield's words which say 'No one but me can change myself, but it's too late', it's never too late; life is always waiting for you to join the fun. To conclude, I would like to add yet another quote to this highly preachy blog, and it goes, 'I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it' - Rita Mae Brown. J

PRAISE THE ANONYMOUS

Another article I had written for my college newspaper 'Spectator' 2 years ago. Until I get into the groove of writing again, I'm fishing out my old creativity ;)

Who is God? How would you define God?  Traditionally, one would define God as the one Supreme Being, the Creator and Ruler of the universe. God is the whole and sole heart of this world. The mysterious life giving force behind every single occurrence, from the sprouting of a new infant leaf in spring, to the falling of a dead one in autumn, he is responsible for it all!

When asked to define God, 23 year old Sachin Bhandary had the following to say, "How can you define God? Can you ever imagine infinite happiness, infinite love? Human minds cannot understand that unless you reach a much superior level. I am sorry, I cannot define God." Different people, different opinions, different outlooks, but most would swear by one common point, there is only ONE God.

However, if that is true, then why the different names? When everyone agrees that God is only one, why call him by different names? So the question goes, is it important to 'name' God?  "We can't have faith in something abstract. People need a name for what they are committing to", seems to be Sachin's justification.

Life hasn't been easy for 20 year old Tarana Merchant when it comes to naming her religion or the God that she worships. Tarana is from what can be called, a multi-cultural background. If one goes to analyze, it can even be said that she has genes from practically all the different religions. Her definition of God is simple; God is the supreme, omnipresent being who is invisible to the naked eye. He is just a force, and has nothing to do with idols. He is the sole connection between life and death.

The most common problem she faces is when she is asked about her religion. Says Tarana, "Ideally it is assumed that Tarana is a Hindu name, where as Merchant is more like a Muslim surname. I have actually seen stereotypical Hindus wince as they hear my last name. Why is this so? Why does God have to be named at all? I mean God is too supreme a being to be named in the first place. He CANNOT be categorized into any one religion. Naming him simply leads to a lot of communal tension and confusion. Let's just stop categorizing people on the basis of their religion. The world would be a much better place if we could get rid of these superficial biases once and for all."

Eighteen year old Shania Singh also shares more or less the same opinion as Tarana, only she goes a little overboard saying, "I am so tired of having people ask me my religion immediately after I introduce myself to them. I mean if the world is going to make it so hard to have faith in God, then I'd rather be an atheist!"

So can it be said that, the world would be a happier place to live in, if we all had one common 'nameless' God?  The solution seems to be easier said than done. A tradition that goes back hundreds of generations, obviously cannot be changed overnight, or maybe cannot be changed at all. The hope for a religion-less world is probably just wishful thinking.

But then, a religion-less society, that is a society minus the religious customs, traditions, languages, etc. wouldn't be a society at all. Moreover, a world without culture and society would be like reliving the Stone Age! Surely that couldn't be the solution. So I guess we are back to square one, God apparently DOES need to be named, because like Sachin said, it gives us humans a sense of identity, one we simply can't do away with, no matter what the consequences.